February 23, 2017

February Single Mum Family Session

The Lingen Family Photography Session

What a great experience I had having the opportunity to do some family photos with Belinda and her kids; Summer, Jack and Billy. Jack thought he could challenge me and keep a straight face for their family photography session, but after about 5 minutes his roars were echoing through Sydney’s Rouse Hill Regional Park.

Belinda’s session came to me via a thoughtful nomination from what looks to be a very good friend. I’m so pleased to have met Belinda and been able to capture these fun family pics for her.

Belinda’s friend paints a picture of her as ‘the best mother she knows’ and describes her as ‘selfless, thoughtful and giving.’ Having 3 children on her own for over a year now Belinda knows the struggle of a single parent and does an awesome job of it!

I really enjoyed my session with this family and am thankful to both Belinda and her friend who nominated her for this.

This was the first family session for the Barley Monks Single Mums initiative and it was a massive success. As part of the initiative, after their family photography session I asked a few questions about what it’s like being a single mum. Belinda’s answers were very much from the heart and I’m sure existing and newly single mums will find them truly inspiring. Read her answers and see some of the pics from her family photography session below. Also make sure you nominate a single mum you think deserves to be part of this initiative, even if it’s yourself, by clicking on this link.

NOMINATE A SINGLE MUM YOU THINK DESERVES A FREE FAMILY SESSION BY CLICKING HERE!

How long have you been a single mum?

16 months

How has being a single mum changed you?

I had to become both the mum & dad over night to 3 young children, one being 2 weeks old, so you instantly have to put on your ‘big boots’ and make sure your kids are ok. It has changed my priorities & what the ‘dream’ I once had as a family and now look for a new dream. It has made me stronger yet calmer as you realise the kids’ well being & happiness is all that matters – it means many many late nights, not much sleep, lonely times, unanswered questions, juggling act, forcing smiles when your heart is broken…but when you see the kids smiling and laughing again, you know it will get better and each day gets easier.

Is there anything you’d like all non single mums to know about single motherhood?

I think motherhood is a tough, hard yet fun and amazing gig for all mums no matter your status 🙂 However the big difference is you’re now doing this alone…you’re now responsible for these innocent kids’ futures all by yourself. You don’t have that partner to run ideas or help make decisions. You don’t have someone to come home to share happy or sad news with, no one to give you a hug on a tough day. No partner to simply share your day with. No one to make you a cuppa or dinner 🙂 It’s tiring, you are constantly rushing and constantly on the go – planning everything. You can’t organise to take one child to do something (like going to watch her favourite netball team play) or take the older two kids to the movies without having to impact the other child/children and family to babysit…it’s tough on Christmas and special occasions when you see so many ‘family’ photos and holidays but am sure every family has tough times and as long as you have a good support network, loving family & amazing friends then it will get easier.

What advice can you give to other women who are about to be single mothers?

I would say, keep believing it will be ok. After the shock, hurt & pain starts to fade you will be ok. Surround yourself with family & friends that love & support you. Be kind to yourself. Take time for you. Take time to reflect and decide as a new family dynamic what you want out of life & how you are going to achieve this on your own. Take time for the kids. Remember it’s ok to say no…sometimes it’s just too hard or too tiring to do all the activities you once did as a family, but for now you need to decide, is it more stressful or more fun? If all too much it’s ok to say no for now & know it wont always be like this. Do what’s best for you and your kids to get back to a stable, calm, happy & safe life. Try to have fun again, crank the music & dance with the kids, have water fights, make cupcakes & have them for dinner 🙂 play games & try new adventures to start new memories. Keep smiling, keep being strong & keep believing you deserve happiness & love again. Each day is a new day and a step closer to the happy life you dream of.

What is the hardest part?

Hardest part is realising the life you imagined & dreamed isn’t the life that is going to be. Realising the love you had was not real. Learning you are solely responsible for 3 innocent beautiful children, you are their rock and it’s your job now to make sure their little worlds are happy worlds and ensure they are ok.

The other hardest part is being tired (but what mum isn’t haha) starting life from scratch, finding new home, working full time, juggling 3 kids along with house, homework & after school activities all on your own (thank goodness with the help of amazing grandparents) but it’s more than tiring, somedays it’s simply exhausting, draining & you’re not sure how you got here or how you will keep doing it… but you do.

You learn there is no more spontaneity, no more just leaving kids with husband to go have coffee with friends or get your hair done or go to gym or get groceries…everything has to be planned now – every second of the day is calculated and you’re always planning ahead and ensuring you have a plan B in case plan A doesn’t work. Realising you forgot milk & dragging kids out in pouring rain to go get it…some days are simply tough and it’s unfair to both you and the kids that your life is so busy & chaotic now, but each day does get better and one day am sure it will all just fall into place…besides us women are warriors & we are strong and we can do this.

What is the best part?

Best part is seeing how one year ago we were all in such a dark, sad place & not understanding how our world has been turned upside down. But now we have adjusted, we have settled into our new life and we are ok.

We laugh a lot, we have fun & we are enjoying making new memories as a “team” (my daughter doesn’t like the word ‘family’ anymore as daddy is not around so we call our ourselves “Team SJBM” (Summer, Jack, Billy & Mummy) and she loves it. Mornings are the best as we start the day with lots of cuddles in mummy’s bed & playing shadows on the wall, starting the day with ‘Team SJBM’ laughing, chatting & enjoying a little bit of quiet time together before the chaos of our daily life begins…the extra cuddles are always the best & seeing how strong my kids are makes me the proudest mum around!

Our new “team” saying is “Team SJBM We Got This” and we all give a cheer… 🙂
This has shown me how amazing, strong, resilient and brave my kids are & I couldn’t have got through it without them. I am so lucky and proud to be their mum. A friend once sent me a quote…”Being a single mother is twice the work, twice the stress & twice the tears, but it’s also twice the hugs, twice the love & twice the pride” 🙂

How did you find working with Nick and Barley Monks Photography?

I loved working with Nick… he truly has a great talent. My toddler is not a huge fan of ‘strangers’ or being that comfortable in front of the camera so he was constantly hiding behind my back…however by the end of the session Jack was jumping in front of the camera, climbing, roaring like a lion & having a great time! My daughter absolutely loved it too, she said Nick was so fun & loved telling our family & friends how Nick got her & her brothers to lick mummy’s face…It was a great morning & a great experience!