The Kerr Family Session

April’s awesome single mum is Sally along with her two boys, Jackson and Beckett. I have actually known Sal for years and have seen just how hard she works to hold down a demanding full time job and juggle single motherhood at the same time. That’s why I am so pleased to be able to offer a family photography session at Fagan Park for her. Like me, she has a love for photography though the problem with this is that she is forever behind the lens. Whilst she has some beautiful family photos of her boys, there’s not many moments captured of the three of them together… That’s where I come in. For the first time I could actually offer something to help her out a little, even if it’s just with a few family photos – that are hopefully up to her standards : )

Having known Sally both pre and post single mum status I can see how she does so well with the change. However, reading her answers to my questions really puts into perspective just how challenging this life can be. It reminds us that just because there’s a smile on someone’s face life can still be tough behind the scenes.

If I have been able to bring a smile to this family through offering a family photography session then my job is done.

Here’s an insight into the world of April’s single mum Sal.

How long have you been a single mum?

2 years

How has being a single mum changed you?

I’m more efficient. Every day is like a marathon when chasing after two kids and a full-time job by myself. At first, I had to consciously train myself to be more organised to cope with the daily grind. My life is like time tetris now, but if I miss a beat, it’s ok. Tomorrow will still come. Time doesn’t stop moving. I think I’ve stopped worrying about small incidental things (we never get through all the homework, I forgot the fruit for U7 soccer last week and there is a permanent mountain of unfolded clothes in my house). Now I focus more on the bigger picture stuff, like sorting out my finances, where to live etc. I think I might also be a little bit crazier now too – ha ha

Is there anything you’d like all non single mums to know about single motherhood?

Some people think that it sounds awesome that I get a ‘break’ every fortnight when my boys are seeing their dad for the weekend. It’s not quite like that at all. Parenthood can be challenging and we all need a break here and there. I am grateful to get some time to myself after being ‘on’ 24hrs a day for two weeks non stop. But it turns out those weekends are my loneliest and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Not being with my kids has been quite difficult to deal with emotionally. It’s a ‘break’ but it’s not a nice break. But it’s also important for my kids to see their dad. It’s a tricky thing to rationalise.

What advice can you give to other women who are about to be single mothers?

You can do it. No single parent ever imagined that this is how parenthood would be. But ultimately, the love for your children is the driving force for everything. You’ve got this. Try your best to look after yourself. I saw a psychologist for 18 months after my husband decided he wanted to separate. Being thrown into single parenthood unexpectedly, brought on a lot of anxiety for me. Therapy really helped me get a grasp on my own emotions so that I could cope and help my kids who were also struggling with the change. See your GP to get a mental health plan. Make sure you feel comfortable with the therapist. If you don’t feel a connection, it’s ok to shop around for another one. I also run a lot. Running has helped me keep my sanity. If I don’t run, I can feel that anxiety come back. I used to enjoy running long distance, but I had to give that up for a while until the boys are older. At the very least, I try to run in my work lunch breaks. Single mums come in all types. If you are like me and have an ex spouse, try your hardest to be amicable for your kids. Easier said than done and not possible for some, but the benefits for your children will pay off. When my kids have events at school, my ex and I will sit together to watch them get their awards. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable for us as parents, but it means the world to my kids when they are up on stage. They don’t have to be worried about which parent they should look at, or if mum and dad are going to have a fight on their big day. Relationships Australia run some excellent co-parenting courses. One in particular called ‘Keeping Children in Focus’ which is really worth doing. It helped me a lot. Time is powerful. It heals all manner of things. Be patient. Take one day at a time.

What is the hardest part?

The lonely groundhog day feeling. Even when you are sick, it’s still up to you to keep the household running. I’m grateful my boys are a bit older. If I’m sick, they think it’s awesome that they can play relentless video games all day while I sleep. It’s tougher for the single parents with really little ones. Keeping my cool is difficult. I have no buffer at all, no-one to take the reins for me when things are getting stressful. No buffer also means making every single family decision by myself and then doubting that decision, then convincing myself that i’ve got it right. Then doubting myself again, so on and so forth. Mothering 2 boys also means dealing with all the gross stuff by myself. Once my eldest’s tooth came out, but the nerve was still hanging onto the tooth. It was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen. The poor kid had to pull the tooth out himself, cause I was gagging every time I looked at it…yikes. I also have to deal with all the spiders…

What is the best part?

The love. My kids are amazing and drive me nuts, but they are my world. Watching the boys grow, leaves that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Last year Beckett learned to ride a bike. I made a commitment last summer to get to the bike park every evening after dinner if the sun was still out. There were days when I was too tired, but we stuck to it. I loved seeing him sail off on his bike for the first time by himself. It was incredible and he was really proud of himself. I realised that it was an awesome parent moment that I could be proud of too. I can actually do this parent gig by myself! Woot! True and honest friendships. When crisis comes to you in your life, some people really shine through to stand by your side. Sometimes help can come from unexpected people and without need for asking. I’m incredibly grateful to have some wonderful friends and family who have helped me push through these last two years.

How did you find working with Nick and Barley Monks Photography?

Nick was amazing. I love taking photos myself, so my kids really suffer from camera fatigue and they brought the challenge to Nick that day in the park. Nick was extremely patient and not phased at all by them. We just chatted while the boys did their thing and eventually Nick was just a quiet observer to the boys having their own fun. It was a really easy comfortable afternoon, especially for me, as I’m usually more happy behind the camera instead. I’m truly grateful to Nick for this session. I don’t actually have many photos of myself with the boys at all, (one of the downsides of single motherhood). Jackson is 10 this year and I didn’t realise until I saw the photos, how close he is to becoming a teenager. I feel like we managed to get some really lovely images with him before he thinks it’s ‘uncool’ to smile for photos ha ha. Nick has a lovely eye for photography. His ability to respond to the moment really shines through in his pictures. There is a photo of Beckett lying on the grass, which says everything about the little introvert that he is. Happy in his own world. Good photographers will see those moments 🙂